thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
