I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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