Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i was born a porn star she said
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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