This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
