I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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