dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
