do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
