I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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