I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
