Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
