i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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