He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
