I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
