Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
