i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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