Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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