Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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