GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
