Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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