New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
