please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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