I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
