butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
