You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
