I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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