Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
