Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
