girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
