You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
