You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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