I heard we made out
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
