My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
