Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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