anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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