I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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