i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
