That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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