Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
