Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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