I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
