I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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