Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just high enough for therapy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
the raccoons are back...
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