My hand turned me down
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
True strength comes from lack of pants
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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