He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
