I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
