I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
