he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
