when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
