like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
