I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
