3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
