You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
