You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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