I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
