Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
