Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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