Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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