Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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