Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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