I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you never un-have a 4some
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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