she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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